The Idiot in azure armour
by Otaku4eva99
Summary: 'For as much happiness you wish for a person, someone else gets cursed with equal misery, that's how magical girls work...' *ONESHOT* Rated T because I'm paranoid


Dear friends and family,

My name is Sayaka, but you all know that already, my world is blotted out by darkness and being unable to begin. And you can't do anything about it.

Right now I am holding my darkening soul gem in one hand, and a gun in the other, I'm about to pull the trigger. My soul gem was once so bright.

I was so naive.

Thinking that being a magical girl was all fun and games, I had known that defeating witches would be tough, but I never expected anything like this, I was so stupid to realise there had not been exceptions for my contract with the devil.

I had been so happy, overjoyed in fact. When I made that wish, it hurt, but I was ecstatic about everything. Kyousuke's hand had been healed thanks to my magic, and I was the happiest I had ever been.

Then that red head came, Kyoko Sakura, she really made me pissed off, by now I understand what she meant.

Hope and despair all count to zero right? They cancel each other out, that's how balance stays in the world.

I had seen a different side to Kyoko when she told me about her past and her father, I honestly felt sorry for her, but her ideals are one I could not a agree with.

I would never regret my actions, ever again.

And then it happened, Hitomi loves Kyosuke. I truly felt lost. My mind had nowhere to go anymore, the boy I sacrificed my soul for was going to be stolen away, I started to regret my actions to save Hitomi, and that's when everything fell apart.

I would no longer feel any pain, if I tried hard enough, I would not hurt, I would not scar my emotional turmoil. My feelings were the only thing that has kept me going, I have said horrible things to Madoka, who has cared so much for me and worried about me so much. She should really be looking out for herself.

And Kyoko saved me, which is highly unlike her. I caused her so much trouble, same with everyone, I don't deserve to be Mami's successor. She died because of me. I don't deserve to live. My life is a waste in this world.

This world isn't worth protecting, what had I been fighting for? All I remember is blood at the end of my cutlass, crimson blood dripping off my silver, magical girl outfit stained with it. The train had crashed, the two men's bloody corpses dropped off the bus, and as I changed back, I realised one thing.

I couldn't remember what was so worth protecting, it's all a blank to me now, my world is corrupted, my vision of this universe is sinking faster and faster into the abyss of despair. I cannot hold back any longer.

I saved a few people, but in all of this, my heart became filled with resentment and hatred, my own selfishness is causing worry from other people.

For as much happiness you wish for a person, someone else gets cursed with equal misery, that's how magical girls work.

Kyoko. Stop banging against the door, stop shouting my name, I've fallen into the abyss, nobody can save me now.

My cheeks are wet with hot tears, I can't help but cry now, I hardly have enough strength to write this. My soul gem is black.

Once I die, do not mourn me, I don't deserve to be mourned. I don't deserve to be cared about. I don't deserve to be saved. I won't be saved. But I have one thing to ask all of you, please don't forget me.

Even if you hate me, or love me, never let me leave your memory, even if I don't deserve to be remembered, I find myself wishing to.

Family and friends, you will be alright without me, once I have escaped this endless train wreck of despair and hopelessness, I will one day find a true path, in heaven. My soul gem has started to crack, I must do this now.

With everything that's happened, I never savoured my life until now, I never realised the true dark measures of this world, I never thought that my life would end like this, I treasured my friends, but now I have none. I never cherished my life when I had one worth living. I let my life be taken apart by one wish that lead my vision of the world to go another way, I cannot, understand how...

I was really, such an idiot.

Love from Sayaka Miki, the idiot in azure armour..


End file.
